Dear Fanfiction
by our dancing days
Summary: ... because, for the love of Peeta, the Reaping Ball is an inanimate object, and some people just need to be told thus. / A drabble series to fanfiction.
1. Sincerely, Katniss Everdeen

Dear Fanfiction,

Peeta and I went into the Hunger Games, together. I never got together with Gale, and neither did Madge, Rue died, Cinna died, Finnick died, Prim died, Haymitch most _definitely _did not fall for Effie, and President Snow and President Coin _thankfully _never had any mastermind, power-hungry, sweet-smelling, amazingly-groomed kids together.

_Get over it. _

Sincerely, Katniss Everdeen.

P.S. But it's okay: Buttercup found a nice tabby cat from District 4 to, um, _introduce _himself to.

* * *

><p>This is a series of <strong>'Dear Fanfiction' <strong>letters, addressing issues from the worst pairings imaginable to animate Reaping Balls... review?


	2. Sincerely, Primrose Everdeen

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm twelve years old. I'm positive I do not love Gale Hawthorne, Peeta Mellark, or any of the aforemention's family; yes, _including _Rory. Or, before you ask, Snow, Cinna, Boggs, Marvel, Cato... Well, I think you get the idea.

I live in _Panem, _for Peeta's sake. I'm spending my spare time trying to stay alive, not picking up dates.

Really. The only boy in my life is Buttercup.

Sincerely, and strictly still in middle school, Primrose Everdeen.

P.S. _Not that way!_

* * *

><p>The things we, as a fandom, come out with! Honestly. Review?<p> 


	3. Sincerely, Gale Hawthorne

Dear Fanfiction,

Yes; I loved Katniss, I really did. I didn't fall for Madge - really, I just thought she'd like strawberries - was partly responsible for the death of Prim - which was totally not _all _my fault, you know, but I know when to back off - and moved to District 2 - where it seems all the available females range from bearded to Cato-esque.

Don't hold it against me.

And no, that most definitely does _not_ mean that I'll fall in love with your "original" character at first sight.

Sincerely, Gale Hawthorne.

PS. I have _standards._

* * *

><p>Review?~<p> 


	4. Sincerely, Peeta Mellark

Dear Fanfiction,

I bake cakes. I paint. I have a "sensitive side". I like orange, sunsets and playing with Katniss' hair.

No, I am really, _really _not gay, nor am I completely, tragically in love with Gale Hawthorne, Finnick Odair, President Snow, Cato, or - god forbid - _Haymitch Abernathy!_

Sincerely, Peeta Mellark.

P.S. Definitely as straight as a ruler.

* * *

><p>*snort* A bendy ruler, perhaps? I'm joking, I'm joking. I love you all, even if you're part of the fandom that has produced such monstrocities as PeetaHaymitch...


	5. Sincerely, DEAD Madge Undersee

Dear Fanfiction,

I know that you're sorry and it's extremely upsetting to hear this, but I died and had nothing more to do with the plot of Catching Fire or Mockingjay, nor could I fix Gale's sad relationship status - single.

It's all terribly tragic, but we have therapists on call 24/7, or, as they argue, 8/5. We'll go with 24/7.

We will all have to get through this. Well, you will.

I'm _dead, _for Peeta's sake!

Sincerely, DEAD Madge Undersee.

P.S At least _I _get Finnick.

* * *

><p>Gale's sad, sad, relationship status... review?<p> 


	6. Sincerely, A Loving Wife

Dear Fanfiction,

Do you want me to prove it to you? Do you want a signed certificate? A painful and humiliating DNA test? An unbreakable vow of some kind? Some pledge of allegiance, the right to my soul and a trial? No, really. _Really. _

_I honestly know who the father is. _

Sincerely, A Loving Wife.

P.S. In case you haven't noticed, I have blonde hair and blue eyes as well, you know. It's not all that uncommon.

* * *

><p>Also known as, Mrs Everdeen. Review?<p> 


	7. Not So Sincerely, Haymitch Abernathy

Dear Fanfiction,

I hate bubblegum. Roses. Ballerinas. Bows. Peaches. Princesses. Dolls. Lipstick. Sea-shells. Raspberries. Ham. Little girls. Sunsets. That stupid, peach-coloured paint Peeta likes.

I really, really, _really _hate pink.

Not So Sincerely, Haymitch Abernathy.

P.S. _Dyed _pink is even worse. It's like something was born, developed a bowel disease, puked, and then died on her head.

* * *

><p>This is in reference to all the Hayffie shippers out there - no, I love you really!<p> 


	8. Sincerely, The Hunger Games Creators

Dear Fanfiction,

When we first created the Hunger Games, it was designed to be an entertaing way to punish the rebels for what they did. It's a painful, humiliating method of reminding the Districts of exactly who's in charge 'round here.

The _Districts _of _Panem._

We most _certainly_ didn't mean for demigods, wizards, witches, vampires, werewolves, fairies, angels, hags, demons, robots, princesses, superheroes or bogey monsters to enter.

We don't care what you say: they can get their own tesserae!

Sincerely, the Hunger Games Creators.

* * *

><p>Not that I think crossovers are against all Laws of Nature, or anything... review?<p> 


	9. Sincerely, It Was That One Time!

Dear Fanfiction,

It may be a foreign concept to you, but clothes _are _legal. Please - use them.

Sincerely, It Was That One Time!

P.S. As you may have noticed, disappearing clothes are an unfortunate strain on a lot of members of Panem. Such victors as Johanna, Finnick and Katniss have been forced to submit to this so-called "curse" and generally parade around naked. A lot.

Please donate whatever clothes you can to these poor authors, as they seem to be unable to write them in themselves. Collection will be on Wednesday. Thank you!

* * *

><p>I bet you didn't expect that. Review?<p> 


	10. Sincerely, Finnick Odair

Dear Fanfiction,

So, in your spare time, you happily imagine that Katniss and I are together? As in, _together, _together? For crying out loud, what in Panem goes on in your minds? I love Annie. _Annie. _Remember her?

Plus, dearest little Peetykins is getting jealous. He may start throwing his palette if you don't stop. And you know what it does to the walls.

Sincerely, Finnick Odair.

P.S. You know you just want a piece of this. *poses*

* * *

><p>I'm sitting here, tragically hoping for that 50 review benchmark. Review?<p> 


	11. Sincerely, The Boys

Dear Fanfiction,

This is an official, Panem-approved petition to stop pairing us off with all these ridiculously perfect girls, who are beautiful, clever, kind and omg- _perfect _for us! Please. We don't like them.

They're not real. Frankly, they're a bit scary. We would rather be alone than with some of these "people".

Sincerely, Peeta, Gale, Finnick, Haymitch, President Snow, Cinna, Cato, Marvel, Thresh, Brutus, Gloss, Blight, Beetee, Chaff, Titus, Caesar, Rory, Vick, Claudius, Darius, Plutarch, Boggs, Dr. Aurelius, Flavius, Homes, Mr. Everdeen, Mr. Mellark, Pollox, Seneca, Woof...

P.S. You get the idea.

* * *

><p>Heheh. Review?<p> 


	12. Sincerely, The Girls

Dear Fanfiction,

_They are **ours**!_

Sincerely, Katniss, Prim, Johanna, Annie, Portia, President Coin, Madge, Mrs. Everdeen, Mrs. Mellark, Delly, Hazelle Hawthorne, Posy, Maysilee, Effie, Lavinia, Glimmer, Clove, Foxface, Rue, Cashmere, Enobaria, Mags, Wiress, Cressida, Tigris, Commander Paylor, Bonnie, Twill...

P.S. Do you really want us to continue?

* * *

><p>I had my Relgious Studies Mock GCSE Exam today, so I need to be put in a better mood... (also known as: review?)<p> 


	13. Sincerely, You Know Who No The Other One

Dear Fanfiction,

I do not love.

I am incapable of love.

I lack the capacity needed to love.

I blame my loveless childhood for my inability to love.

I am constantly neglected and turned away because I cannot love.

I rule the country of Panem and enjoy the Hunger Games because of my wounded, tortured, misunderstood soul that yearns to love, but can't.

Oh, who am I kidding? I can't love, _and I don't want to._

Sincerely, You-Know-Who.

P.S. No, the other one. The other one. Oh, nevermind; it's President Snow.

* * *

><p>I don't suppose that any of you have any requests? Thank you!<p> 


	14. Sincerely, I'm Not Drunk

Dear Fanfiction,

I _don't have a daughter. _Ugh. Bachelor and proud, baby.

Sincerely, Haymitch Abernathy.

P.S. I'm still in love with Maysilee... shh! Don't tell!

P.P.S. I'm not drunk...

* * *

><p>Any requests? (in a review!)~<p> 


	15. Sincerely, Nameless Kids

Dear Fanfiction,

It's not our fault that we don't have names. Don't make us suffer for it.

Sincerely, Peeta and Katniss' nameless kids.


	16. Sincerely, I'm Not MOODY

Dear Fanfiction,

Get over it. Get over your_selves._

Sincerely, Katniss **_Mellark._**

PS. I'm not MOODY.

* * *

><p>Heheh~<p> 


	17. Sincerely, President Coin

Dear Fanfiction,

I don't have any children. I hate children.

Sincerely, President Coin.

* * *

><p>Hope you're all having a good Easter (if you celebrate it)! I got a poetry book instead of chocolate, 'cause I'm cool like that. Expect insane poetry working it's way in here soon enough!<p> 


	18. Sincerely, The Future

Dear Fanfiction,

Get back to your own time.

Sincerely, The Future.

P.S AND STAY THERE!

* * *

><p>Aww, guys; don't hate on the hate :D I've been guilty of every single one of these - except the gender bending, I've yet to get on that particular bandwagon - so, nothing against these people. Nothing at all, really. Well...<p>

Just a little bit.

Plus, _why _were so many confused about the last chapter? It says **President Coin, **not President Snow :/


	19. Sincerely, miaow

Dear Fanfiction,

I understand that this is heartbreaking, but regrettably, I lack the required components to communicate with you barbarians.

Sincerely, _miaow. _

* * *

><p>Can you guess who this is?~<p> 


	20. Sincerely, The Characters

Dear Fanfiction,

If you're going to write about us, at least get our names right. Or maybe our _genders?_

Sincerely, The Characters.

* * *

><p>It exists. I've seen it. I am scarred for life.<p>

(Cheers for the 12 reviews I got for the last chapter! You guys are _amazing!)_


	21. Sincerely, I Don't Have a Monobrow!

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm not a brat. Honest. I love Katniss, and I died for the rebellion. I'm a _nice person. _

Sincerely, Primrose Everdeen.

P.S. And I _don't have a monobrow!_

* * *

><p>Only 7 reviews for the last chapter? <em>Guyssssss...<em>


	22. Sincerely, Death

Dear Fanfiction,

Regarding the situations of Mr. Finnick Odair, Miss Primrose Everdeen, the Mellarks, the Undersees, Mr. Everdeen, various tributes, Boggs, President Snow, etcetera, etcetera:

_They're mine now._

Sincerely, Death.

* * *

><p><em>Ohhh, <em>13 reviews for the last chapter: unlucky for some. Can we scrape past 170 this time?~


	23. Sincerely, Johanna Mason

Dear Fanfiction,

If I wanted you to know my past, I'd tell you, wouldn't I? Stop making it up as you go along.

Sincerely, Johanna Mason.

P.S Nosy.

* * *

><p>Awww; we got 169 views -insert immature giggle here- so we were close! Thank you so much, and don't stop reading! <em>Please?<em>


	24. Sincerely, Annie Cresta Odair

Dear Fanfiction,

*sob*

Sincerely, Annie Cresta-Odair.

P.S. I _am _capable of speech, you idiotic mutts!

* * *

><p>Our mission is to get past 200 reviews... come on... *waves new chapter enticingly*<p> 


	25. Sincerely, Clove

Dear Fanfiction,

Oh yes. I'm insanely in love with the boy I fantasize about murdering in my dreams.

Sincerely, Clove.

* * *

><p>Ohhh - look at the new review button! <em>Shiny...<em>


	26. Sincerely, Cato

Dear Fanfiction,

Glimmer was a way to get sponsors. Clove was an ally. Pathetic little District 12 was someone I attempted to murder _constantly. _

Therefore, two words: _Hell no!_

Sincerely, Cato.

P.S. Just because I'm a teenager doesn't mean I'll fall in love, and I _certainly _won't fall in love with girls I intend to murder, unlike _some _people.

* * *

><p>By the way, I have about twenty of these written. It just depends on when I remember to update... Reviews jog my memory!<p>

*hint hint*


	27. Sincerely, Effie Trinket

Dear Fanficiton,

Do you not have _manners _where you people come from? *sniff* The day you pair me with Haymitch Abernathy is a bad, bad, bad day! The citizens of the Capitol are free spirits!

Sincerely, Effie Trinket.

P.S. _That _is _monogamy! _

* * *

><p>I've always seen Effie as more of a - <em>free spirit <em>when it comes to relationships, hence the P.S.

Review?


	28. Sincerely, The Mellarks

Dear Fanfiction,

_Peeniss? _Really? I mean, _Peeniss?_

Sincerely, The Mellarks.

P.S. At least it's not Pornna...

* * *

><p>OH. MY. *insert random deity here*<p>

Here's an extra early chapter for you, because we're here; we've reached this point. 100 alerts, 100 favourites and - um - 10 reviews per chapter.

At least they're nice round numbers, no?


	29. Sincerely, We Aren't The Twilight Fandom

Dear Fanfiction,

Team Peeta or Team Gale?

How about Team Finnick?

Sincerely, We Are Not The Twilight Fandom!

P.S *shivers*

* * *

><p>YES! We have our highest review record for the previous chapter - <em>twenty! <em>That means about 1/12 people are reviewing! :D

Go review, my pretties! Review!


	30. Sincerely, Get Out Of Our Fandom!

Dear Fanfiction,

Gayle. Pita. Catniss. Haymish. Finik. Anny.

Sincerely, _get out of our fandom before we forcefully _remove _you!_

P.S. _Ring, ring. "_Hello?"

"Yeah, I'm just wondering what you'd think about re-starting the Hunger Games..."

* * *

><p>As <em>Lady Firewing <em>said - love you darling! - reviews seem to only feed the madness. Is this motivation to review or what?

_300 reviews! Mwuah! _


	31. Sincerely, I Prefer Brunettes

Dear Fanfiction,

Me/Prim? That's... that's like _emotional incest! _Not to mention _illegal! _

Sincerely, Gale Hawthorne.

P.S. Plus, I prefer brunettes.

* * *

><p>Asdfghjkl - <em>344 reviews! <strong><span>344<span>! **_I, just, asdfghjkl. Massive shout-out to **Lavender Flame, **who went back and reviewed _every_ chapter. 

I suppose 350 isn't too big a target now, no?


	32. Sincerely, Foxface

Dear Fanfiction,

As much as I'd like to be super-smart, super-talented, super-hot, super-alive and get with literally _all _the boys in this darling fandom...

Only the first three are true. Sorry 'bout that.

Sincerely, Foxface.

P.S . I'm working on the last two, though. Mags is helping me.

* * *

><p>Heh. Heheheh. 374 reviews.<p>

_**Marry me.**_


	33. Sincerely, Clove, However

Dear Fanfiction,

Look. I'm with Peeta.

Oh yes. I _may _have hinted at a relationship with Gale, Finnick, Haymitch or Buttercup at some point *cough*.

Cato, though, is _not_ an option. The whole murderous, undead thing could bring a strain to our "relationship".

Sincerely, Female District 12.

P.S. _Clove, _however...

P.P.S. Please, suckers!

* * *

><p>I'm hoping you can detect the sarcasm at the start.<p>

And to my 120-or-so favouriters and alerters: **_Let me love you! _**


	34. Sincerely, The Fantasy World

Dear Fanfiction,

Though a certain Ms. Collins' mental stability has been doubted after the impending release of Mockingjay, we highly doubt that she will converse with her "characters". And if she did, and they were real, we don't think any of them would be able to swim through the fangirls flocking to them once they were found out.

Also, concerning the release of Mockingjay, Primrose Everdeen and Finnick Odair will remain in our custody until after the distress has died down. Being a "dead" main "character" is as tough as seeing Snow in a dress.

Sincerely, The Fantasy World.

* * *

><p>I hope people are still interested in this! *goofy smile*<p> 


	35. Sincerely, Cinna and Portia

Dear Fanfiction,

We're friends. _Just friends. _There is no chemistry. We are professionals; that's all we'll ever be. Isn't that right, Cinna?

**Asdfghjkl. Whatever you say, darling.**

See?

Sincerely, **Cinna** and Portia.

**P.S. Friend-zoned.**

* * *

><p>Ever so slightly OOC here, but you never know...<p>

This _was _supposed to be the previous chapter, but FF decided to delete my update and posted what was _supposed _to be this chapter instead. Anyway, in honour of my 400th reviewer, this was for **Lavender Flame**! Thank you, and I'm sorry for not posting this sooner!


	36. Sincerely, the Non-Existent Pairing

Dear Fanfiction,

You have tributes called Kale_?_

I mean... _Kale?_

We're completely offended over here. It's a great name, and all, but... **Kale**?

Sincerely, the Non-Existent Pairing, Katniss and Gale.

P.S. Also, the vegetable kale is also extremely displeased, and you should expect a detailed account of its traumas within the week. Thank you.

* * *

><p>Responses. I will get round to them. MASSIVE thank you to <strong>GreenDayxSockMonkey, Isabella Katniss<strong> and **Symptoms of Insanity!**

Just - _**520 **_reviews! Next update will be up TOMORROW!


	37. Sincerely, Real Panem Names

Dear Fanfiction,

Concerning your original character Hunger Games stories, here is a typical selection of your tribute names:

Glitter, Shimmer, John, Ebony, Holodisc, Electronica, Aquafina, Pestilence, Rose and _Carl. _

Original, much?

Sincerely, _real _Panem names.

P.S. At least they're not Renesmee and Albus Severus, I suppose.

* * *

><p>No offence to the name Carl. It's a brilliant name. My friend's dad is called Carl. He adores spinach.<p>

Review?


	38. Sincerely, President Snow

Dear Fanfiction,

Roses are red;

Violets are blue.

Pair me with Effie,

and I'll _murder _you.

Sincerely, President Snow.

P.S When roses are dead, and violets are glue, I'll be with Effie, and you'll still be screwed.

* * *

><p>Review replies. I will get round to them. Unitl then, a MASSIVE collective thank you to absolutely all of you. You keep me typing. And reading horrid fanfictions for your enjoyment.<p> 


	39. Sincerely, Non Zombified Tributes

Dear Fanfiction,

Hey I just killed you,

and this is crazy,

but here's my arrow,

so die now, maybe?

Sincerely, Non-Zombified Tributes.

P.S No, really, when we die, we _die._

* * *

><p>Our first flamer! *waves* We've lasted for an <em>astoundingly<em> long flame-free time, though: 38 chapters, 648 reviews, and 6 months. I consider this a success!

Also, in honour of this, I've revamped the first few chapters. Check them out, and thanks for reading!


	40. Sincerely, Effie Trinket, Fashionista

Dear Fanfiction,

If I become a rebel, you do realise that that means I may risk _breaking a nail? _What kind of barbarians _are _you?

Sincerely, Effie Trinket, Fashionista.

P.S I will, however, be holding a photoshoot in the Capitol to promote the ever-growing 'Coal Black is the New Black' and 'Fire Is In' phases! Tickets will be sold outside the Hall of Justice this Sunday in District 12 - oops, no, District 11!

* * *

><p>You now have no excuse not to review - look at that thing! It's bigger than the chapter!<p>

*gapes in amazement*


	41. Sincerely, Proper Writers

Dear Fanfiction,

Oh, yes. We do so _adore _RandOm cApitaL letters in the middle of fanfics. Just as much as we adore grammar mistakes, typos, long author notes and people who beg for readers and withhold updates until they get a certain amount of reviews.

Sincerely, Fanfiction Readers (And Proper Writers)

P.S. Absolutely NO updates til i get 50 Reviews! Luv u all, lol, plz review!

* * *

><p>700 REVIEWS! I can't... fathom... why...<p>

Hence, this extra-early chapter. Sorry I won't be replying to any reviews on the previous chapter, but just look at the PS for my heartfelt message.


	42. Sincerely, Fanfiction Poets

Dear Fanfiction,

I mean, seriously. Did you not know? I mean, dear Peeta, how could you, like, _completely _miss out on the hot gossip in the Capitol? I mean, _duh._

Six liner poems with an attempt at a rhyme scheme are, like, _so _last Hunger Games.

Sincerely, Fanfiction Poets (And The Characters Forced To Be Immortalized In Bad Grammar).

P.S. Perhaps try a haiku if you don't have the patience to write more; a limerick, maybe? Sonnet? Freeverse?

* * *

><p>A few points... WANTED - INSPIRATION. Will pay with quicker updates.<p>

And I will no longer be doing review replies. I'm really sorry! But I got just under 40 reviews for the last chapter, and it's hard to find time to write. Hence why this chapter is late. Review?


	43. Sincerely, Just Not Buttercup and Annie

Dear Fanfiction,

Bad SYOTs are _against the rules._ In fact, all bad writing is against the rules. Yeah, they clog up the story page, but oh well. The other ones aren't that interesting either. But did you hear that one about pita bread, Buttercup and Lady Gaga? Good times, y'all. Good times.

But, badly written SYOTs - no. Bad authors. No.

SSETs, though, are fine.

Sincerely, The Characters (Excluding Buttercup and Annie, because he's still a cat and she's still sobbing in a corner).

P.S. SSETs are _Submit Someone Else's Tributes. _It's not plagerism. It's fanfiction. Surprisingly, there is a difference.

* * *

><p>Woo! At least 10 chapters have been pre-written, thanks to your incredible response to the last update. This was suggested by four separate people! Thank you so much, and the next update will be up <em>tomorrow!<em>

Odd - out!


	44. Sincerely, Gale Hawthorne, Best Friend

Dear Fanfiction,

Now, usually, I have nothing against slash fiction. My particular favourites, at the moment, are Beetee/Finnick, Katniss/Effie and Lady/Johanna, though the second wanders into the uncharted territory of beastality. Somewhat, anyway.

But when you start pairing _me, _the sexy, kind, intelligent, single best friend, with _Peeta, _the good looking, sweet, sunset-loving, sensitive painter boyfriend, _I have to put my foot down. _

Obviously, we both loved Katniss. Apparently, to you, that means we got tired of waiting for her and "hooked up".

Peeta _wishes _he could have this fine ars- rabbit.

Sincerely, Gale Hawthorne, the sexy, kind, intelligent, single, _straight_ best friend (because they still exist, you know.)

P.S. I meant rabbit.

* * *

><p>I'm implying nothing, but hey, here's the new chapter on the same day, 'cause I'm insane. <em>Please still review the previous chapter.<em>

Concerning the last chapter, I adore SYOTs, if written well, and _in line with the rules_. I've actually written 2 complete, novel-length ones myself. *victory jig* Don't criticize me or my writing because of one opinion you don't agree with.


	45. Sincerely, Beetee

Dear Fanfiction,

Usually, I browse the interweb for ideas concerning all my inventions and such. However, I keep stumbling on some rather distressing stories that make me extremely uncomfortable. Stories about me. And chocolate. And suspicious wiring. And a severe shortage of clothes.

Please; think of the imaginary children, and stop these disasters.

Sincerely, *pushes up glasses*, Beetee.

P.S. No, really. I'm not getting any.

* * *

><p>Ahh, Beetee. Don't we love him? Apparently not though, looking at the response to the last two chapters... *tear*<p> 


	46. Sincerely, Gloss and Cashmere

Dear Fanfiction,

Now, I'm not sure if you're aware, but people like things to be realistic in fanfiction.

Who are we kidding? Reality, in fanfiction, sucks.

We know you want to go into detail about _every, single _reaping/training sesssion/chariot ride/interview/bedtime ritual, but the readers will _not _want to read it.

And duh! I don't want people to know how many facial scrubs and cleansers I use!

Thank you Cashmere, for that.

In other words, twenty years can't really pass between two chapters. It's not widely accepted. But it's more than just _socially awkward _to put every little detail in.

Gloss OUT!

Sincerely, Gloss and Cashmere. 

P.S. These incest stories, though, are more than just _unrealistic._ Ugh.

* * *

><p>I had to get these two in somewhere, and I thought them addressing this subject was... ironic, to say the least, which is why I love it.<p>

900 REVIEWS! Can I - just - what - why - oh my Peeta - _gah! Thank you!_


	47. Sincerely, Capital residents

Dear Fanfiction,

See, in the Capital, we just have apartments shaped like massive capital letter As, and the President lives in a house shaped like TWH. It's all very sheek; only the best for the Capital, after all. The districts are all shaped like Ds, and, of course, every Justice Building is JB. We like to keep everything continuous, you see.

Sincerely, Capital residents.

P.S. This is _Panem! _We have someone called _Tigris, _and _Caesar_, for Peeta's sake! It's called **the Capitol.**

* * *

><p>Now, when we get to the chapter that reaches 1000 reviews - <strong>1000! - <strong>every other reviewer of that chapter will get a review for one of their stories in return. No, this isn't to get more reviews, it's to thank you all for sticking with this story and uniting against fanfiction cliches. So, step up, step up, enjoy this chapter, and expect the next _tomorrow!_


	48. Sincerely, Effie Trinket's Granddaughter

Dear Fanfiction,

And now, for the reaping of the 1000th Hunger Games with seventeen special twists!

Ladies first, shall we? _Marilyn Sue. _Can Marilyn Sue come up here please? OH, you volunteer! How nice! Hello, my dear. How old are you? 16? And what's your name? Mary Perfect Angel Sue, how lovely. Now, I'd bet my coathanger that that was your sister.

And now for the boys! _Gary Devilishly Handsome Stu. _Oh, so handsome, and modest too! I bet you two will get along just great! Shake hands! Oh, look, fireworks...

Sincerely, Effie Trinket's Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Great-Gre...

-Granddaughter.

P.S. And may the odds be _never_ in your favour.

* * *

><p>New chapter! *happy dance* Anyway, once 100 chapters are up, I might be doing a multi-chap, with one scene dedicated to each of these chapters. Interested?<p> 


	49. Sincerely, Foxface & Gang

Dear Fanfiction,

We know you like to experiment. After all, it's only natural for bright, young, curious and mentally insane minds to scroll through baby websites and search for a Panem-sounding name to give to us unnamed "characters".

_After all, as my nickname, given to me by someone who doesn't know me, is Foxface, it's only _natural _to presume that my real name has Fox or some variation in it. _

**And as I'm just a crippled boy from District 10, we'll all presume I have a short, boring name that no one cares to learn.**

**It's not like I get solo fics anyway.**

Sincerely, _Foxface_, **Crippled District 10 boy**, and various other tributes.

P.S. _It's really not natural._

* * *

><p>WE REACHED *~<em><strong>1000<strong>_~* REVIEWS! (Yes, it deserves squiggles). Thank you, thank you, thank you! And congrats to out 1000th reviewer, VividlyCloudyDreams! This is so amazing!


	50. Sincerely, Thresh

Dear Fanfiction,

Rue was like my sister. An adorable sister, yes, but a _sister _all the same. She was twelve! In no way did I have a romantic relationship with her, or Katniss, or District 2, or - or **Peeta!**

I had a tortured childhood, of course I did in District 11, but please respect my privacy.

Would you want every awkward date you've ever had published around the internet after your death? I don't think so! My lawyers, and Rue's, will be in touch.

Sincerely, Thresh.

P.S. No, we don't have the same lawyers. No, we _don't. _Really. Don't expect us to be sending out joint Deathday gifts or anything.

* * *

><p>This is dedicated to our 1000th revieiwer, VividlyCloudyDreams<strong>. <strong>Ladies and gentlemen, we are officially half way through!


	51. Sincerely, Glimmer

Dear Fanfiction,

I am absolutely _perfect. _

No, I don't love Cato - haven't you heard of using _all _of your talents to surivive? - and I definitely don't have an arch rivalry with Clove. I only tried to kill her, you know.

I had the perfect childhood, I trained for the Games _with _perfect nails, and I am better than you.

Clear?

Sincerely, Glimmer.

P.S. And with a name like Glimmer, don't you think I was rich? Ugh. Poor and ugly people give me hayfever.

* * *

><p>I won't be updating tomorrow as it's my <strong>birthday!<strong> Any suggestions, as a present, until the day after are much appreciated!


	52. Sincerely, The Prep Team

Dear Fanfiction,

Darling; your make-up is appalling. How do you expect to get readers with a format like that? _Spaces, _darling, _spaces! _Punctuation wouldn't go amiss either. Don't you know good grammar is just the _hottest _thing in the Capitol at the moment?

Also, give it a bit of pizazz! Typos are _not _going to bag you a life-long reviewer, dear! It's like walking out on the streets with only _one _eye that has eyeshadow on! Or even worse, having limp hair. Ugh.

And those clothes? Summaries like that aren't going to entice anyone, are they?

Begging for reviews is like wearing a cheap, low cut tank top avec lots of cleavage, with a designer skirt, boots and diamond jewellery. No, no, darling!

Sincerely, The Prep Team.

P.S. And to dress any stories like above with _us _in is practiaclly blasphemy, sweetie. Don't you know we're professionals?

* * *

><p>Thank you for all the birthday messages! However, I'm going on holiday on Saturday (28th) and therefore won't be able to post. The final update will be tomorrow, and until about the second week of August, please enjoy some of my other 145 stories. Thank you!<p> 


	53. Sincerely, Finnick Sea God Odair

Dear Fanfiction,

As possibly the most attractive victor ever to walk out of the Hunger Games, I know I have a fair share of fangirls. However, when these fans start writing stories about "OC" characters so obviously based off of themselves, and _not _Annie, well; that was so not in my contract.

So, fangirls, (and fanboys, I suppose), take a break. Eat a sugar cube.

Stop writing horrid fanfiction?

Sincerely, Finnick "Sea God" Odair.

P.S. Also, as much as I deteste being born in Panem, it _is _the only inhabitable land on the planet, so I don't plan on "swimming across the pond" and meeting a tribal girl over there. I really don't.

* * *

><p>Please drop a review, and see y'all in two weeks!<p> 


	54. Sincerely, Mr Everdeen

Dear Fanfiction,

I died trying to provide money for my family. I died underground with my friends and workers. I died as a hero. I wish with all my heart that I could have looked after Katniss and Primrose better, but... I died. _Died. _

I was not "otherwise occupied". I wasn't a secret rebellion leader living in District 28 who had left his two young daughters and wife to fend for themselves.

I was _dead. _D. E. A. D. I had passed on, moved on, crossed over, gone to a better place, dug the grave and lied in it, kicked the bucket, copped it, given up the ghost, croaked, bought the farm, snuffed it, _died._

Sincerely, Mr Everdeen.

P.S. Also, I didn't have a hot, steamy love affair with Hazelle Hawthorne, and become said rebellion leader to protect her and hide my shame for cheating on my wife. I am **dead.**

* * *

><p>Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, jabberjays and wolf mutts, I present to you... the next chapter! I am <em>back! <em>*happy celebration dance*


	55. Sincerely, Katniss and Peeta Mellark

Dear Fanfiction,

Yes. If one person had the gall to make up the Hunger Games, and other people had the stupidity to follow him, then yes, maybe there would be another Hunger Games in the future. In the far, far, far, far future. Even after _Haymitch _is dead and the Beatles legacy no longer lives on.

_But our kids won't be in it. _

Sincerely, Katniss and Peeta Mellark.

P.S. I mean, just look at the figures! The economy's really picked up since the end of the rebellion, hence so are birth rates, and adult literacy rates, and Panem's overall GDP per capita, _and _infant death rates are dropping dramatically. The population is rising steeply, so if we divide by the square root of 74, carry the 1, add a random 0 there for effect... According to our calculations, _there will be so many people that our kids have basically no chance of getting picked._

P. P. S. **I married a genius. *sigh***

* * *

><p>I took maths and geography. Can you tell? Also, <em>I need inspiration! <em>And badly! Any hints. Any plot twists. Anything that really makes your blood boil. We will get to 100 chapters! We _**will!**_


	56. Sincerely, District 1

Dear Fanfiction,

Despite the fact that there have been a few mental health issues in previous victors and a few select members of our district, we are not _all _absolutely crazy, incapable of speech, nor do we all have a strange lust for blood.

However, most of us are still _trained killers, _so no, we will not fall in love with your pathetic District 10 tribute when faced with death and/or humiliation

We're from District 1; we're _better _than that.

Sincerely, District 1.

P.S. And no, we don't all have names like 'Glimmer'. Though our taste in fashion _is _to be admired.

* * *

><p>I will be doing all 13 Districts, so thanks <em>so <em>much to **JazzHearts **for the idea! I will be doing all your suggestions (because you guys were just amazing with all the inspiration and I've been reading Bad!Fics for the past week now) so look out for them! Thank you!


	57. Sincerely, District 2

Dear Fanfiction,

We are _Careers. _We are taught to kill. We are taught to do anything to win, like anyone else would. We are brutal, we like to form alliances to improve our chances, and we _will _kill you..

But we still have feelings!

We're not completely heartless, you know. You only have psychotic Cato and Clove to go by. _Oh, _and Enobaria, who killed people with her teeth, and Brutus. I mean, _Brutus?_

We're not all like that.

But we _will_ kill you if you invent an OC from District 2 who valiantly sacrifices themselves for someone else. Or ends up with Gale Hawthorne.

Sincerely, District 2.

P.S. I mean, seriously. _Brutus? _We're still feeling the effects of that; the amount of poor, Mary Sue OCs called Bruta that had to be hospitalized due to severe mental issues before _and _after the rebellion...

* * *

><p>I'm really sorry for the longer wait between chapters, life is a tad hectic at the moment but I'll try my best to keep updates going at least every 3 days! Thanks so much for your support! *bows*<p> 


	58. Sincerely, District 3

Dear Fanfiction,

Yes, a lot of us are geniuses. It's in the genes, really. But that doesn't mean we're all socially awkward, wear glasses, or calculate fractions in our spare time! A lot of us are still teenagers and we _still _have a chance of winning!

The odds are 24:1, really. It's possible.

Sincerely, District 3.

P.S. Also, we're not all related to Beetee, we don't all have mental health issues/personality disorders, and some of us can't work out how to change the battery in a watch. Mainly because we're too poor to afford watches, but just because we come from the technical district doesn't mean we all love technology. Honestly.

P.P.S. Just most of us.

* * *

><p>By my calculations, we're roughly getting a review for everyone 3 or 4 words.<p>

...

_Does anyone know how amazing this is? **THANK**__** YOU****!**_


	59. Sincerely, District 4

Dear Fanfiction,

Yes, yes, we're that amazing, half career District that everyone loves and that spawned such great "characters" as Finnick, Mags and Annie.

Although, we can, most of the time, still be counted as careers, so _yes, _we will kill you with a fishing net.

We're just that awesome.

However, we're not all prostitutes, we're not all insane, and we're not all in love with Finnick Odair. We're careers but we know better than to trust the others. We have a good a chance of winning as any bimbo from District 1.

_But we don't all love shrimp, okay?_

Sincerely, District 4.

P.S. How did we become a career District anyway?

* * *

><p>We have <strong>officially <strong>passed 100,000 hits! *happy dance* Can we make it to 1500 reviews for this special occasion?


	60. Sincerely, District 5

Dear Fanfiction,

Hi. We're District 5.

You may have seen us feature in such shows as The Hungry Games, Catching Fox, and the Mockingfox. We are renowned for our red hair, cunning, survival skills, ability to blend into the background, and unfortunate nack for being poisoned.

In our time, we have been known for controlling medicine, food, mathematics, wood, one memorable stint at being the flower district, and most recently, power and electricity in Panem.

And, of course, we never win. Ever.

We're here to reassure the other districts that at least they won't die out first. We're known for sending siblings into the Games, spawning random Careers, and hyperventilating under pressure.

Unlike other districts, we don't have a chance of winning. And that's why you should vote for us.

We're District 5, and we approve this message.

Sincerely, District 5.

P.S. No. Just... no.

* * *

><p>I've seen District 5 represent a number of different things until it was revealed, with the movie, that they were in charge of power and electricity. And I was so sure it was either mathematics or flowers.<p>

Also, I'm very much English, but I based this off of American presidential election campaigns. Because they make me laugh. Review?


	61. Sincerely, District 6

Dear Fanfiction,

We're fine. Really. It's not like we're the District of transportation known for breeding the "crazies". It's not as though the only things we're known for are our cannibal and the fact we love morphine.

Did it ever occur to you that most of us are really quite intelligent, sane, motivational people with a love of trains?

Actually, we don't like trains. We tend to hate travelling.

Sincerely, District 6.

P.S. It's not like stereotypes have ruined our District or anything.

Nope. Not us.

* * *

><p>Our overall goal is 2300 reviews... Yeah, I don't think we're getting there either. But a girl can hope!<p> 


	62. Sincerely, District 7

Dear Fanfiction,

We like trees. Trees are nice, and sturdy, good to climb and cut down. That doesn't mean we appreciate _always _being dressed up as trees, because the Capitol idiots can't be bothered to come up with something more original.

Trees. For 75 years.

If you really liked marshmallows, you'd be excited to be dressed up as one. You could eat your costume when you're bored.

But if you saw nothing but marshmallows and you were dressed as nothing but marshmallows for _seventy-five __years, _you'd start to crave an apple or two, wouldn't you?

Please - we'd be lumberjacks. We'd be dressed _literally _as a table, if it meant no more trees.

Sincerely, District 7.

P.S. Save a tree; climb a victor.

* * *

><p>You all expected Johanna, didn't you? Well, I'm back at school, so - yay. Updates <em>might <em>be slower, but I really hope not! _You guys are amazing!_


	63. Sincerely, District 8

_Dear Fanfiction,_

To a lot of you, we're just District 8. We're just the District that likes to sew and knit and weave and generally act like grandmothers before the age of twelve. We usually die at the Bloodbath; unless the arena is a giant sewing machine. Or a thimble.

But we're _District 8. _And let us tell you, we're pretty badass.

We staged one of the first rebellions; we overthrew the Peacekeepers and took back our District. We stood strong as many of us rebels were executed, and as we constantly got bombed by the Capitol. Our leader eventually became the president of Panem.

We are _so _much better at rebelling than knitting.

Sincerely, District 8.

P.S. You just _wish _you could be as awesome as us.

* * *

><p>Hear ye, hear ye! I am holding a <strong>competition<strong> for the **74th chapter**! You have until chapter **73** to send in your drabble via PM or review; the best will be posted here, and I will review at least **5** of the winning author's stories! Start writing, ladies and gents!

-any questions, just ask!-


	64. Sincerely, District 9

Dear Fanfiction,

You might not know us, but we're District 9. We come after the knitting District and before the petting District. We grow grain.

That may seem a little... boring. Maybe even average. Maybe there's a _reason _why we don't win a lot. Or at all. But here at District 9, it's okay, because we _grow grain. _

I mean, seriously? District 7 grow up with axes; District 12 risk their lives in mines; District 1 harvests _jewels; _even District 10 ride pigs in their spare time and kill cows with their bare hands.

We eat nothing but bread. Everything is bread. Bread, bread sandwiches, bread on toast, bread with bread on top...

Just _bread._

Sincerely, District 9.

P.S. We don't even get cool straw hats, because no, the only thing we grow is _grain._

* * *

><p>Don't forget to check out the previous chapter and information on the chapter competition! Thank you!<p> 


	65. Sincerely, District 10

Dear Fanfiction,

Well, hi there, y'all! We're District 10, and let us tell you, we have minimal intellect, bad manners, and Texan accents! We ride pigs, talk to goats and kill cows called Bessie with our bare hands!

We have little cowboy hats and dungarees are _always _in fashion! Ain't that great?

Actually, hey; look at that! We can talk normally again!

Thank Peeta.

We're not actually all farmers, and we do have an education system. Pigs really don't like it when you try to ride them, and you can try and talk to goats but they won't talk back. They're terrible conversationalists. And if anyone kills Bessie there will be hell to pay.

Sincerely, District 10.

P.S. Dungarees _are _always in fashion, though. Have you seen those things? Denim heaven.

* * *

><p>I'm going with the Districts revealed by the film - since they were never mentioned in the book, and it's the best thing I have to go on. Review?<p> 


	66. Sincerely, District 11

Dear Fanfiction,

Our district is agriculture. It's pretty normal to be able to climb trees, honest. That's what Rue has in common with the rest of our District.

But not every tribute is twelve years old and can "fly"; I mean, look at Thresh!

Twelve is very young for a tribute and we regret that nobody volunteered for Rue, unlike Primrose from District 12, but it's really uncommon to volunteer for your own death.

We're actually the biggest District; we _do _have tributes over the age of twelve. Surprisingly.

Twelve = uncommon.

District 11 = not all twelve.

Okay?

Sincerely, District 11.

P.S. It was just Rue. Really. It doesn't happen that often. People grow up past the age of twelve. _We are not all twelve._

* * *

><p>Thank you so much for all the support - officially past <em><strong>1700 reviews<strong>_! Thank you!


	67. Sincerely, District 12

Dear Fanfiction,

Yes.

Whatever you're asking, yes. Yes, we are miners and shop-owners and teachers and more. Yes, we have a bakery.

Yes, some of us have black hair and grey eyes, and some of us have blonde hair and blue eyes and some of us are rich and some of us are poor and we have different neighbourhoods and streets and guess what?

_We're like you._

We're not that odd; we really quite normal. We get by. A lot of us die in the Hunger Games, but some of us do have a shot. We're just a normal District.

We're not all Girls on Fire, or Boys with the Bread. Sometimes we're just known as the People Made of Toast.

_We're not. _There's more to us than Katniss and Peeta. Honest.

Sincerely, District 12.

P.S. Seriously. Our sign says 'District 12: Home of Toast.' It's not funny. Whoever is writing these messages need to stop. People are getting seriously injured when some miscreants try to actually set the bakery on fire. Please_. _Stop. Thank you.

* * *

><p>Sorry for the late one - I had a <em>marvellous <em>**camping** **weekend**. Sigh. I walked 30k in a day. Not. Amused. Thank you for waiting!


	68. Sincerely, District 13

Dear Fanfiction,

Welcome to District 13! We sincerely hope you enjoy your stay!

We have such attractions as our Peeta-Control-Unit, which is a specialised facility to hold _your _insane boyfriend, and our Breeding Centre, for when seventeen kids just _isn't_ enough.

We've had numerous celebrity visits, such as Katniss Everdeen, Finnick Odair, Boggs, Gale Hawthorne and many more. We are _not _home to Mr Everdeen, Madge Undersea or the ghost of said Finnick Odair.

It is our job to rule over you as a nation from our underground research centre and dodgy plot twists - while you're here, why not pay respects to our monument of President Coin, the woman who wanted to reinstate the Hunger Games and hated the girl that would save us all?

We want to thank _you_ for choosing District 13 as your chosen rebel destination.

Sincerely, District 13.

* * *

><p>Yowza; thank you for all the support! Who here has read J.K's new book, <em>The Casual Vacancy? <em>Lovely amount of fucked up characters there.


	69. Sincerely, Marvel

Dear Fanfiction,

Hey. Hey. Hi.

I'm Marvel.

I'm a misunderstood, scared little boy from District 1, forced to enter the Games against my will and made to kill little girl brutally and unnecessarily.

Actually, wait; I'm not. I'm a _Career. _I was born and bred for this. I did what I could to survive, and if it meant killing a little girl, then sure, who needs morals anyway?

I really wish that people could stop trying to sympathize with me. I fought. I killed. I got killed. That was pretty much the gist of it. I _wanted to live. _I wanted glory and fortune and drinks with the little umbrellas in. And is that so bad?

Sincerely, Marvel.

P.S. Seriously. Those things are so cool. They keep your drink cool while looking fancy and awesome. There aren't enough in the world.

* * *

><p><strong>Did you know: <strong>On the 11th January, 2012, I posted the first chapter of _Dear Fanfiction. _68 chapters, 1800 reviews, 130000 hits, and 9 months later, we're still going strong. Thank you!


	70. Sincerely, Katniss' Daughter

Dear Fanfiction,

I am your classic, the-main-character's-first-born-daughter character. I _will, _obviously, get drunk one night, and run into the-best-friend's-first-born-son. We _will _have a one-night stand, without knowing each other's name, and then begin our love affair.

We will fall in love without meaning to, find out about our parents, and break up.

Gale's son _will, _of course, come and beg for forgiveness at my door. We will make-up (_yes,_ probably in that way) and then face the world, arm in arm and shoulder to shoulder and lips constantly attached lips.

Of course, Katniss and Gale will work out their differences, and then Peeta will become evil and fall off a cliff or something so that they can finally be together.

_Obviously._

Sincerely, Katniss' Daughter.

P.S. Oh, and Gale's wife also mysteriously died. Probably in childbirth. And there will most likely be a dreaded sequel involving our kids, the reinstated Hunger Games, and Peeta coming back from the dead. _Obviously._

* * *

><p><strong>Thank you <em>so <em>much for the continued support! **You guys have been amazing, and we're only 5 reviews away from **1900!**


	71. Sincerely, American High School

Dear Fanfiction,

Ha. That's funny. We didn't _realise _that some of our students a) had the time to invent a time machine or b) magically resemble a few selected characters from Suzanne Collin's popular novel series.

What would we know, though? We're just a clichéd, American high school with lockers in the hallways, "cliques", evil teachers and students who fight to the death.

Of course, most of the people writing this _will _be from Clichéd American High Schools, and they _will _want to create their perfect life within their story.

Hence, Katniss turns into a nerdy, drop-dead gorgeous, sarcastic, sexy bookworm, Peeta is the blonde haired, blue-eyed, caring, popular footballer, and Gale is the tall, dark, handsome and _totally_ off-limits best friend to add a spanner in the works.

Oh. The life of a normal, nerdy, drop-dead gorgeous, sarcastic, sexy bookworm who writes fanfiction is a hard one.

Sincerely, American High School.

P.S. Madge will be the blonde bitch, Prim is the sweet little sister, and Finnick is the senior who - guess what! - is also in love with our bookworm, but settles for the nice, humble, and generally-sane Annie. What a surprise.

* * *

><p>You <em><strong>guys<strong>_... You're all so amazing, and we're so close to 2000, too! Keep being awesome!


	72. Sincerely, aliens

Dear Fanfiction,

Hey, did you hear about Panem? NO? Seriously, for realz?

Well, it _turns out _that Panem - yeah, you know, that _totally _dorky, like, seventh world country in the ruins of, you _know, _that place that's like Mud or something - well Panem was _actually _built, discovered by, like, green aliens!

**Shut up!**

I know, right?

**So, like, these alien things invented Panem? With voodoo dolls and UFOs? And they brainwashed President Snow to rule over the humans for no apparent reason? Oh my god, and were _they _the reason it's really the _ruins _of that North America place?**

Yes! But... isn't UFO, like, a skin cream?

**Oh my god, _yes; _I am so stupid.**

Awww, no you're not! You are flawless, Kang!

**No, _you _are, Kodos! Let's go back to Rigel IV and discuss our amazing-ness. These humans obviously do _not _know the hottest gossip in the nebula.**

Sincerely, aliens.

P.S. Babes, seriously, did you _see _what that Evergreen or something chick was wearing? I mean, _come on, _fire is for _laser guns, _not _dresses. _**Get it right, Mud.**

* * *

><p>Hehe, don't you just love them? See if you can catch all the references in here... also, just <em>34 reviews <em>until we reach the big _2000! _Huzzah!


	73. Sincerely, Maysilee

Dear Fanfiction,

I'm really not horrible. Really. I like to bake cookies and give them to people in the Seam; I like dresses and bows and sunshine and rainbows. I really don't like conflict and death and the colour brown. I tried my hardest in the Hunger Games and died a brave but tragic death.

I didn't secretly trick my twin sister into going into the Games for me whilst I had a lovely life with a lovely Mayor for a husband and a lovely daughter until I burnt to death.

Because of my own Mockingjay pin.

I _also _didn't have an affair with my best friend's boyfriend, Mr Everdeen, before I went to my untimely death and whatnot.

_And, _Haymitch and I were just friends. Really.

Sincerely, Maysilee.

P.S. No, _really._

* * *

><p><em>1999 reviews? <strong>Really, people? <strong>_Also, our competition is now CLOSED! We will find out the winner at the _next chapter!_


	74. Sincerely, Seneca Crane

Dear Fanfiction,

The title of Head Gamemaker is a very prestigious role, and I would like to assure you that I am not having any - um - ah - _secret affairs _with my tributes, thank you very much. Honestly, do you know what rumours like that can do to my career?

The tribute gets reaped, they go through training and all that, then they go into the arena with a 23 out of 24 chance of dying. And usually, they end up dying.

Read the fine print! Does anywhere above mention anything about having secret-affairs-with-Head-Gamemaker-and-getting-pregnant-and-upstarting-a-new-rebellion?!

I do not think so.

Sincerely, Seneca Crane

P.S. For all of the gentlemen - (and some of you ladies) - who were wondering, the beard is tamed and kept in top condition with _o__nly_ the rose scented 'Monsieur Le Lu' shaving cream.

P.P.S. Respect the beard.

* * *

><p>This was the amazing work of <em><strong>dancing forever alone<strong> - _thank you so much for all your competition entires; I read and adored every one. Also, we reached **2000!** Celebratory chapter _tomorrow!_


	75. Sincerely, Suzanne Collins

Dear Fanfiction,

Hello. You may have heard of me. I am the author of the popular, young-adult novel series, 'The Hunger Games'.

The _author._

These people - Katniss, Peeta, and _yes, _even Coin - are all _my _characters. They are characters that I have created and invented; characters I have nutured and watched grow and hated and loved. They're like my children. From my brain. They are the Athena to my Zeus.

They. Are. Not. Real.

They are figments of my imagination that I have given voices; they don't sit in my office playing table tennis and they most definitely _do not _speak to me and complain how they are portrayed in _my book. _

Sincerely, Suzanne Collins.

P.S. I am not bipolar. Or schizophrenic. Or just plain insane. Though I did write a book about children killing each other... Either way, _I do not imagine that my characters are real. _

P.P.S. Apart from when they are. Finnick lives on!

* * *

><p>Whoop whoop! Greek mythology references. Thank you <strong>so much <strong>to everyone; we are just _300 reviews _away from my ultimate goal! Thank you!


	76. Sincerely, Bread

Dear Fanfiction,

I am a highly respected, revered and famous work of art; I am a food of wonder, a marvellous example of gastronomy, and a masterpiece among carbohydrates.

_Why, _for Peeta's sake, do you continue to spoil my many good names for measly _people_?

Just because "Peeta" vaguely resembles "pita" in an American accent, does not mean his brothers are Rye and Frenchie. People have marvelled at my wholegrain flour, at my cloud-like fluffiness and mouth-watering, golden-brown colouring. I _at least _deserve a main character!

Sincerely, Bread.

P.S. This is highly disrespectful; I dress in only the _best _organic I-can't-believe-it's-not-butter, and do not deserve to be ridiculed.

You _will _be hearing from my agent.

* * *

><p>Well. This was different, wasn't it, boys and girls?<p>

**I am in need of inspiration! **If you have any more things that you want me to include, tell me! I've got enough ideas for a few more chapters, but... pretty please?


	77. Sincerely, Wiress

Dear Fanfiction,

I _can _talk for myself, you know. Just because the Games ruined my mind doesn't make me _dumb _or _stupid - _you have Glimmer for that! Thankfully, Beetee and I have been **friends **for years. He's able to help me when I can't get my point across.

_Tick tock. _Was that not a big clue?

Honestly.

Also, where are my stories? Where are the fics of my adventures; surviving, bad-assery, and romance? I had quite the cult following of boys when I was your age! Oh, did I say cult following? I meant _multi-District _cult following.

I deserve my own tale, and one that _doesn't _involve Beetee and I falling in cliched love. Don't ostracize little old ladies like me; we bite back.

Sincerely, Wiress.

P.S. And not in a good way!

* * *

><p>It's the chapter you've been waiting for...! <em>I'm really sorry <em>for the late update - NaNoWriMo has commenced and by midnight on the 31st October, I still had no plot. If you're also participating, add me as a buddy! I'm willing to talk, and I need more people who understand my NaNo plight. Thank you!


	78. Sincerely, Volunteers

Dear Fanfiction,

You know, sometimes we volunteer to support out families, to escape the feeling of being alienated in our District. Maybe the tribute is... our friend, our _lover, _and would you expect us to stand at the side and do nothing?

We may be Careers, but we _care. _We volunteer for our deaths, because we care too much.

Maybe we don't even know the tribute. Maybe she's twelve years old, without a family, and she doesn't deserve to die. Maybe we know we'll have a better chance.

Or _maybe _we want glory and riches like every other Career!

Jeez. Is it so hard to believe that we _are _that shallow?

Sincerely, Volunteers.

P.S. We've been trained for the Games, and we honestly think we can win. We want to support our families; we want to be famous, and if we have to fight to get there, is that so bad?

Probably. But we do it anyway.

* * *

><p>I think you all know what point I'm making here.<p>

Thank you so much for the ongoing support - just 22 chapters left!


	79. Sincerely, In-Character Characters

Dear Fanfiction,

Yes, yes. We forget. _Obviously, _Katniss is a whining, emo teenager in need of "twoo wuv". Peeta is the loveable heartthrob/the evil mastermind/oh-who-really-even-cares-any-more. Gale is the tragic, suffer-in-silence hero/gay best friend/awkward-person-to-initiate-random-plot-twist.

Rue is a genius/evil genius/purely evil devil-spawn, Finnick is constantly amazed by the discovery that he has ten toes, and Annie doesn't speak.

Or speaks too much. There's not much difference.

Johanna is the kick-ass side-kick, for falls head-over-boots in love with Peeta/Finnick/Gale/President Snow and automatically becomes girly, as all girls in relationships are wont to do.

Haymitch is actually really kind/bitchy, and President Snow/Coin has led a tortured life and is in need of redemption/twoo wuv/death.

Take your pick. It's not like we have to be _like ourselves _or anything.

Sincerely, In-Character Characters.

P.S. We must have been mistaken our whole lives. Forgive us, o writer. We are not worthy and all that. Because us main characters _like _to bow down to power; Suzanne Collins doesn't know anything. We must have forgotten.

* * *

><p>Unfortunately, yes, there are only going to 100 chapters, but never fear! I have a few surprises up my sleeve once we get there.<p>

Thank so all **so much **for all the support! Mwuah!


	80. Sincerely, 'Fight Fire With Fire' CEO

Dear Fanfiction,

We here at 'Fight Fire With Fire' Recruiting and Publishing Agency regret to inform you that a few of our clients, such as Katniss, Peeta, Gale, Finnick and Lady have been treated disrespectfully whilst performing in your fanfics.

I'm afraid we will no longer be able to offer our services to you, due to these complaints.

Fortunately, our sister company, 'Real Men DO Sparkle', is willing to replace our extremely hard-working "characters". Alice, Edward, Jacob, Jasper and Bella will be happy to be their equivalents and will work to the best of their abilities.

Sincerely, 'Fight Fire With Fire' CEO.

P.S. Please accept these free arrows tipped with vampire venom and made from werewolf teeth. Have a nice day!

* * *

><p>This is what happens when you abuse characters too much; <strong>be warned. <strong>

_Thank you so much everyone!_


	81. Sincerely, 'Fight Fire With Fire' CEO 2

Dear Fanfiction,

Congratulations! 'Fight Fire With Fire' medics and therapists have deemed our Hunger Games characters finally once again fit to perform in your fanfics. Isn't that great news?

Though, we do ask that you treat our actors with respect, and dignity, and with proper spelling and grammar.

Unfortunately, our sister company, 'Real Men DO Sparkle', is retracting their earlier promise to perform as various characters due to a few near-fatal injuries caused by misfired arrows.

They will provide a refund and a complimentary set of red and gold eye contacts, to be used in honour of Edward, who lost an eye in the incident.

Thank you!

Sincerely, 'Fight Fire With Fire' CEO.

P.S. You cannot legally prove that we _may _have provided the arrows, and let's face it; we're all just upset that your aim wasn't better.

* * *

><p>We are just <em>87 <em>reviews away from my the goal I never even dreamt of achieving! **Thank you!**


	82. Sincerely, The Bloodbath

Dear Fanfiction,

I - _hic - _don't think people properly - _hic - _appreciate my talents! I'm so underestimated, it's like I'm invisible or worthless! I have - _hic - _talent, you know! I'm a _bloodbath!_

All I've ever wanted was - _hic - _for people to fear me. Is that so much to ask? I'm just a little bloodbath, I know, but if people could see the _real _me, the carnage and the terror and the **blood, **then maybe I'd be worth something in this - _hic - _stupid sunshine and rainbows world.

It's just that I try so hard for people to _hate_ , but they just forget about me, like I'm some measly countdown they can just put aside, finish off in 200 words and get onto the _better _part of the Games!

Well, you know what? I'm sick of you selfish pigs treating me like I'm not important! _We. Are. Through!_

Sincerely, The Bloodbath.

P.S. And maybe, once in a while, I'd like more than three people to die for me, you know?

* * *

><p>They are just so under appreciated! *sigh* Thank you, again!<p> 


	83. Sincerely, MC Bonnie and Twillz

Dear Fanfiction,

We had such a good story line going. We first introduced the idea of District 13; we were the kick ass rebels from the kick ass District 8, off on our own little mission...

"Yo, sup Gurl on Fire, just passing through, yeah, yup, most wanted people in Panem right now, peeps, totes awesome, but we must be off, so cheers, catch you later dude, flash of awesomeness boom, MC Bonnie and Twillz out."

But no. We get killed off.

Actually, no, we don't get killed off. We get _half mentioned in a half finished sentence not to do with us. _Great. _That's _the recognition we get. We worked hard for that bread, you know!

But it's cool. We're probably living on berries or something, biding our time before we can kill off Paylor and get our own thrones.

Like we deserve.

Sincerely, Bonnie and Twill.

P.S. GURL ON FIRE, WHATCHU DOIN GURL, YOU LEAVIN US, BRAH, NO FAIR. GET YOUR OWN RIDE HOME, BIATCH.

* * *

><p>... I don't even <em>know.<em>

__Just 26 reviews until my ultimate goal! *squee* Can we make it for the next chapter?


	84. Sincerely, Roses

Dear Fanfiction,

Okay. We get it. Maybe we don't symbolize the best of people, or the best of rebellions, but you know what? We can be ourselves too! We can rise up! We can be more than just _blood and snow and roses!_

Because we symbolize love, and passion, and we have poetry written for us and sons dedicated to us.

We influence _you _more than you know.

We are more than just garden weeds; petty daffodils and buttercups! We can do more than remind you of President Snow; we can decorate mantelpieces and can be used in perfumes and show someone how much you care and bring some colour into a room.

We are _so much more. WE WILL REVOLT, AND WE WILL BE VICTORIOUS._

Sincerely, Roses.

P.S. We also deserve to vote!

* * *

><p><em>So sorry for the really late update. <em>But we got past 2300! We are officially the second _most reviewed _Hunger Games fanfic on the site! Three cheers!


	85. Sincerely, Greasy Sae

Dear Fanfiction,

I'll have you know, I am not a poor, frail woman; I am not an old aged pensioner, slowly losing her sanity and her sense of fashion. I can cook and I can clean, but I'll tell you what - I survived the bombings of District 12 for a _reason._

I did ducks and rolls and I managed to get my granddaughter out safely. I jumped over debris and flew across roofs and did little acrobat flips when no one was watching.

I am Greasy Sae, and I don't do things the _ordinary way._

I can be pretty awesome too, you know. They always leave it to these young things, but I've been around the block a couple of times myself. These whippersnappers won't know what hit them when I show them a few of _my _moves.

I'm perfectly capable of holding my own in a mass, nuclear rebellion.

I am a strong, confident, slightly over middle-aged woman who don't need no President.

Sincerely, Greasy Sae.

P.S. I also make a great dog meat stew, not those measly, expensive sushi dishes from the Capitol - ain't nobody got time for dat!

* * *

><p><em>So sorry for the really late update. <strong>Again.<strong>_I was whisked away to France without warning, and without an internet connection. *sigh*


	86. Sincerely, Tigris

Dear Fanfiction,

I'll have you know, while I respect and fully understand people's acceptance of "normal", with "normal" noses and "normal" skin patterns and the fact it's not "normal" to have whiskers and a tail, I am perfectly comfortable in my tiger-print skin.

In fact, it can be extremely **useful!**

I have the grace and poise of a cat (although I do like to fall off of furniture, and I believe that the floor is a perfectly _adequate _area for which to place your bowl of milk) and I can even use my tail (to swish at annoying people).**  
><strong>

And when I hiss, it's _scary. _Scary, I tell you.

Hissssssss!

And it has come to my attention that even in your culture, people have horrendously _orange _skin tones, without the class and elegance of my own. I believe it is called _spray tan. _Who would wish to be the colour of _"tan"? _And put on with some as mediocre as a spray! Who can perform suitable physical surgery with a spray? It only coves three layers of skin, no doubt.

Barbarians.

Sincerely, Tigris.

P.S. I do not purr. No. I roar. See? RAWR!

* * *

><p><em>Well, <em>I hope you all had a **_great_ **Christmas (and if you don't celebrate it, a great weekend) and _finally, _I'm back! Thank you!


	87. Sincerely, Cray

Dear Fanfiction,

You know, I don't honestly understand why the fandom hates me.

Fandom. Why?

I am just your poor, lowly, misunderstood villian-esque Peacekeeper, _forced _to pay for women constantly and efficiently (and they need the money, don't they? It's practically _charity, _and after all, it's their fault, not mine). I let Katniss and Gale off when the poached in the woods, didn't I?

Admittedly, it was because I liked the turkey, but that's besides the point! I am a human being!

And sure, _maybe _I was a little hypocritical and a little sleazy, but come on! I was the _nicer one!_

And in the end, I got turned into an Avox for helping Katniss. That's right. I was _punished, _cruelly and unjustly, ravishing my good looks, silvery, combed over hair and red face. I deserve to be loved! I deserve to be adored!

Sincerely, Cray.

P.S. And may I just say, those rags look _incredible _on you malnourished figure...

P.P.S. OW! I didn't mean it like that!

* * *

><p>Ugh. The sleaze-ball. Can you tell that I hate him to pieces? Also, the most reviewed Hunger Games fanfiction currently stands at 2757 reviews... *bats eyelashes* We have thirteen chapters left. Think we can beat it?<p> 


	88. Sincerely, The Peacekeepers

Dear Fanfiction,

You know, our lives aren't the easiest either. That's right! The Big Bad Peacekeepers don't have it easy!

We need to serve for twenty years. _Twenty years. _That's longer than most tributes live. Ahem. _And _we can't get married. Or have children. Just like you don't have children anymore! Ahem.

And you know, we don't _like _prosecuting or whipping or punishing or lashings or executions... They're just perks of the job.

Did we say perks?

We meant necessary evils. Yes.

But if we didn't have us modest, honourable people around to do the _horrible, _intensely well-paid, flexible, rewarding jobs, Panem would simply be in tatters. In shambles. Ruined. Damaged. Out of control. A bloodbath. Corrupted.

...More than it is already, I mean.

Sincerely, The Peacekeepers.

P.S. _Peacekeepers_,_ robots in disguise!_

* * *

><p>I haven't had the best time in the "outernet" which is my excuse for the fact that this chapter is so late. But in other news, <strong>we have just passed our first anniversary. We are over one year old. <strong>For those of you who have stuck with this for twelve months, _I can't explain how grateful I am. _And those of you who have joined us along the way, _thank you. _You guys make my day. Truly.**  
><strong>


	89. Sincerely, Lavinia (The Avox)

Dear Fanfiction,

You know, being silent gives you a lot of time to reflect on the world. You rely on facial expressions - smiles, laughter - to portray your emotions. It's simpler, in a way.

_But that does not mean I'm plotting world domination._

What is it with you people? Maybe I just want some quiet time, you know? I don't _have _to be trying to blow up all the Districts. When did I become a symbol for all the quiet girls who want to become evil male anatomy potatoes? I don't understand their ways.

I just want to be left alone to be with Darius until my untimely death.

_Without _coming back from the dead. Can't I at least have a peaceful afterlife? Really?

*sigh*

Sincerely, Lavinia (The Avox)

P.S. I mean, it's not as if I can do much! You try and bully people into following you without a tongue. You have to write notes.

* * *

><p><strong><em><em>**_One day I will post a chapter on time. _Promise.

- Also, by evil male anatomy potatoes, she means dictators. ;) Think of that what you will.


	90. Sincerely, Nightlock

Dear Fanfiction,

You know, sometimes, I feel a little under appreciated. I am a cunning, deadly berry that will kill you in less than a minute, and people keep saying, _"Oh, she _knew _it was poisonous, god, it's so obvious. It should just give up on life, everyone _knows _its dark inner secrets. What kind of poisonous berry lets itself be identified? I bet it's not even a real fruit. _Fa_il."_

It affects plants too, okay?

I mean, we can't _all _be primroses and be pretty and perfect and have a good photosynthesis rate. You know, it's not the petals that make the flower; it's how quickly you die when you eat it.

Just because primroses _don't _kill you and Venus flytraps _eat _you doesn't mean I'm not worthy.

It's just - nightlock needs a little love too, kay?

Sincerely, Nightlock.

P.S. And I swear to god, if you say that my iridescent deep midnight "aura" shines bright like a diamond I _will _stuff myself down your throat when you sleep. I'm purple, okay? Regal. Simple. Because I'm worth it.

* * *

><p>I don't know where this came from, but I hope you enjoy! Just ten chapters left, and now only twenty reviews until we are officially the <strong>most reviewed HG fic on the site! <strong>Think we can do it?


	91. Sincerely, Capitol Children

Dear Fanfiction,

H- H- Hey there. What a surprise! It's so nice to meet you. Come in, let me take your coat. Tea? Coffee? Alcoholic beverage? Water? Oh, um, champagne?Champagne's cool. Sit, sit down, let me just fetch that for you -

So. How's your life going? How's work? Have you settled down nicely? I hope you've forgotten all about the reign of terror our parents forced on you while they killed your children -

I- I mean, lemon drop?

Now, you see, the thing is, we were wondering if, perhaps, it would maybe be possible to consider not slaughtering us for revenge?

You know, if you're cool with that. You don't have to. We're just nice people.

Nice. People.

Sincerely, Capitol Children.

P.S. Who wouldn't take enjoyment out of kids being murdered on television? Us. That's who. When it's us that's being murdered, that is, everyone else is free game.

P.P.S. Please don't kill us.

* * *

><p>Right. At most-recent count, it's just over twenty reviews until we become the most reviewed fanfiction on the site. (You don't need <em>me <em>to tell you what the current one is, just go and check it out yourselves. I'm sure it's amazing.) Someone squeal with me?


	92. Sincerely, Castor and Pollux

Dear Fanfiction,

**In Greek legends, you know, I can live forever. I'm immortal.**

Way to rub my death in. At least I can _talk._

**Well, all these people seem to forget that you're horrifically, heroically dead. DEAD. You sacrificed yourself to the lizard-mutant-bug-squirmy-things too, not just Finnick! Honestly.**

I always thought I was the more handsome one out of the two of us, you know. Finnick, well; they only wanted him for the fishing net he had on. I could pull off a fishing net!

**See? Dead. Very much dead. Stop bringing him back.**

I bet I made a beautiful corpse.

**Shut up, Castor.**

Stop talking, Pollux - oh, wait!

**I swear, if you weren't already dead, I'd kill you. You know what? Bring him back. I can strangle him personally. I could - I could - um -**

What, has a cat got your tongue?

Sincerely, Castor and **Pollux**.

**P.S. One day. One. Day.**

P.P.S. He misses me really.

* * *

><p>We have officially surpassed the top story, and we are now the most reviewed Hunger Games story on the site! <em>And <em>we're almost at 3000 reviews! This is fantastic, guys, really. I can't reply to all of your reviews, but a big, massive group hug and thank you to you all.


	93. Sincerely, Lyme

Dear Fanfiction,

You know what? I am a total badass, okay? Yeah, I was a Career, and a victor, and I had a pretty alright life for a while. Cushy, you know?

But then there was an explosion, a dramatic turn away, hand-to-hand combat, a skilful roly poly, black leather, me slapping a bad guy, a shotgun, a heart-wrenching monologue, the death of one of my friends, a promise to return, the final victory, the return of the action-packed sequel, and _so many sunglasses._

I had joined the rebellion.

So, yeah. I was pretty awesome. I took charge of that rebel base, put a leash on the Capitol and almost made it out alive.

(We all know that the best characters die in action movies anyway.)

Next time you think of the Victor's Purge and all those little weaklings who died, spare a thought for Commander Lyme, you know? I'm probably out there somewhere, kicking butt.

I'll be back.

Sincerely, Lyme.

P.S. Hasta la vista, baby.

* * *

><p>Well, since my last update, we have had around 200 reviews and more than three thousand hits. Can you hyperventilate, or what? I'm so sorry for the delay in this chapter - this year is really getting away from me. But don't worry - I'll be back soon!<p> 


	94. Sincerely, Plutarch Heavensbee

Dear Fanfiction,

[_Plutarch-Fell-From-HeavensBee _posted at 16:05]

Hi internet! You know what? I feel under-appreciated. I mean, I know I'm not a _famous _Head Gamesmaker and I know that my blog doesn't have that many followers, but you know, I was pretty important.

I hid the clue in a watch. A _watch. _If that isn't subtle, unappreciated genius, I don't know what is. #instagram #time #lights #puns #nomakeup #lol

And that peasant still didn't get it.

So, I headed the rebellion, defied the Capitol, yada yada yada...

Suddenly, surprise, surprise! It's Plutarch's turn in the spot light. That's right, twerk it. My cheekbones were fantastic in that shot.

And guess who just became Secretary of Communications after the rebellion?

Yeah, not you.

Sincerely, Plutarch Heavensbee.

P.S. #yolo #haterzgonnahate #gamemakers-appreciation-post #hipster

P.P.S. [Recieved 3 notes]

* * *

><p>(If you can't tell, this is in the format of a hipster (possibly tumblr) blog - Plutarch is a secret teenage girl.)<p>

I hope you guys are still with me! There aren't that many chapters left, and honestly, I read and fangirl over every single review - they all make me pathetically happy. So, are you ready for the end?


	95. Sincerely, Mutations

Dear Fanfiction,

It wasn't _our _fault, you know.

We were perfectly harmless, but when you're genetically engineered to kill, well, it gets a little hard to control your impulses. But we tried our best, you know! Went to Serial Killers Anonymous and everything, did yoga and tai chi and focussed on our zen, but it didn't work.

The tracker jackers even started being vegetarian, can you believe it?

But alas, sometimes you just can't fight your natural instincts. It's especially hard to quit killing cold turkey, you know? But we tried. We really did.

Sincerely, Mutations.

P.S. There aren't exactly nicotine patches for this sort of thing!

* * *

><p>I'm sorry it's been so long, but I am finally back to tackle those last few chapters! Enjoy!<p> 


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